It's gnawing at me, I can't get away from it. God help me, It will drive me mad. God, why must it hurt so? I beg of you, release me.
This is un-healthy Seth. Move.
II
I can't settle lately and as Seneca once said, it's symptomatic of an unhealthy mind -- granted, it's taken slightly out of context but such is life.
I remember lying in bed one night when I was 13, watching the stars. I had a lot on my mind that night, but mostly I was afraid, the next day I was due to begin High School. It's not an uncommon thing, nervousness. I remember one of my lecturers once said she's always a little nervous about starting a new semester with new faces to teach; but it becomes a problem when one finds it crippling as I have in the past. We all have our flaws and amongst them are one or two that stand out from the rest. A noble spirit is one that acknowledges such flaws and endeavours to correct them.
I remember lying in bed one night when I was 13, watching the stars. I had a lot on my mind that night, but mostly I was afraid, the next day I was due to begin High School. It's not an uncommon thing, nervousness. I remember one of my lecturers once said she's always a little nervous about starting a new semester with new faces to teach; but it becomes a problem when one finds it crippling as I have in the past. We all have our flaws and amongst them are one or two that stand out from the rest. A noble spirit is one that acknowledges such flaws and endeavours to correct them.
I
In front of me on my desktop lies a photo of Earth taken from space. As I glance upon the surface of our homeworld, I'm reminded of a past friendship. I've often thought how amazing it was that our friendship lasted as long as it did, for I wasn't always the friend she deserved. In fact, a lot of people have put up with a lot of crap from me over the years. Growing up, I was..confused, frustrated. Which teenager isn't?
Socially, I've always been a bit of an outcast. Even at primary school, I was the nerd -- the kid who read the Asterix books and had a rather odd fascination with the ancient world. While the boys were playing cops and robbers (I have no idea what the girls were doing), I had my nose in a book, wishing I was Indiana Jones or drawing a map of some fantastical world. Indiana Jones -- I still think that guy's fuckin' cool. As I grew older, I found myself wishing I could fit in, but looking back I think to myself "why?". What I really needed was more people like myself. I think one of the best things a parent can instill in a child is the confidence to be who they are. Oh, and not foist crap coffee onto them. My god this is awful.
My maps. Holy crap they were cool. It all started when I was 6 years old, I was at the school library and I stumbled across a copy of Starship Traveller. A year or two goes by and I've read more of the series. Eventually, I started churning out maps of tolkien-like worlds and When I was 9, I discovered Greyhawk and AD&D. It blew my friggin mind. It amazes me how imaginative children can be, it's a real talent that rarely continues into adulthood. It's funny how a single book I encountered 18 years ago made such a big impact on my life, for I'm still churning out the odd map and it led to other things later on in life. I regard my memories as a child lying in the sun, creating worlds as some of my fondest memories. Ah, to be a kid again.
Or not. Growing up has its advantages, like falling in love. The first time I fell in love..you just don't forget something like that. Love is beautiful, the one I love can be on the other side of the world and yet when I see the moon shining through the curtain of night, I see her in the beauty and serenity of it all and it seems like we're together. Love is warm, pure, sweet and binding. I miss being in love, loneliness is the exact opposite -- cold, dark, painful. The pain, it's a burden I don't care to bare but do so grudgingly. Someone once said that we should learn to be happy in our own company and it's true -- I am my own best friend -- but sometimes one's own company just isn't enough. I will walk this path my lord, but it is a lonely one.
Socially, I've always been a bit of an outcast. Even at primary school, I was the nerd -- the kid who read the Asterix books and had a rather odd fascination with the ancient world. While the boys were playing cops and robbers (I have no idea what the girls were doing), I had my nose in a book, wishing I was Indiana Jones or drawing a map of some fantastical world. Indiana Jones -- I still think that guy's fuckin' cool. As I grew older, I found myself wishing I could fit in, but looking back I think to myself "why?". What I really needed was more people like myself. I think one of the best things a parent can instill in a child is the confidence to be who they are. Oh, and not foist crap coffee onto them. My god this is awful.
My maps. Holy crap they were cool. It all started when I was 6 years old, I was at the school library and I stumbled across a copy of Starship Traveller. A year or two goes by and I've read more of the series. Eventually, I started churning out maps of tolkien-like worlds and When I was 9, I discovered Greyhawk and AD&D. It blew my friggin mind. It amazes me how imaginative children can be, it's a real talent that rarely continues into adulthood. It's funny how a single book I encountered 18 years ago made such a big impact on my life, for I'm still churning out the odd map and it led to other things later on in life. I regard my memories as a child lying in the sun, creating worlds as some of my fondest memories. Ah, to be a kid again.
Or not. Growing up has its advantages, like falling in love. The first time I fell in love..you just don't forget something like that. Love is beautiful, the one I love can be on the other side of the world and yet when I see the moon shining through the curtain of night, I see her in the beauty and serenity of it all and it seems like we're together. Love is warm, pure, sweet and binding. I miss being in love, loneliness is the exact opposite -- cold, dark, painful. The pain, it's a burden I don't care to bare but do so grudgingly. Someone once said that we should learn to be happy in our own company and it's true -- I am my own best friend -- but sometimes one's own company just isn't enough. I will walk this path my lord, but it is a lonely one.
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